Early in the new year, I'm feeling seriously depressed... Ugh, already feeling depressed without such perspective.
Every morning, gruesome incidents are reported by the news. Tragic events. Very regrettable misdeeds and so on, and while the people in society are viewing that, while their hearts are being hurt, they must be thinking,
'It has nothing to do with me, such a misfortune will never befall me, surely...'
However, once the time comes for those disasters to visit, the things humans say will suddenly change. Naturally, it is just as I am now...

It all started on January 3rd. Welcoming in the new year with a fresh spirit, I was drinking into tomorrow, and although I was eating here and there, even around that time I felt weary. In the lower right of my abdomen, I felt a dull ache. In the beginning I misinterpreted it as alcohol.
Essentially the ache I felt in my body was pretty strong. Many years before last year, I was hit with the prank of painful tooth cavities, and because I didn't have time to go to the dentist, among the mixed cables and shields that had been put into the toolbox, I was searching for a relatively small set of nippers. I took out those annoying molars all by myself. At that time I felt at ease to a degree, although it caused a lot of soreness in the distant future... (And now I'm going to the hospital regularly.)

Well in this way, I was making light of it every time but this abdominal pain was simply unendurable. It wasn't just sake I intook, and the pain increased. And while I was thinking I was inexcusable, I called my manager and went directly to the emergency hospital.

From the time I headed into Tokyo, I went straight to the North General Hospital that I became thankful for on countless occasions. I was holding my side, and my manager beside me did nothing but wrote out documents. And once in a while he'd look my way,
"Isshi-san, where does it hurt?"
"Whereabouts?"
"How long has it been?" came his questions.
In any case, I who wouldn't endure the sharp pain appealed to him,
"Listen to me, quickly, quickly... a doctor..."
Because I was seeming to not improve easily, I sat on a bench in the waiting room in order to endure the remainder of that pain. While I sat I was grinding my teeth, and tried as much as I could to breathe deeply. Because such a time flowed exceptionally slow, practically it was only a few minutes but to me it felt dreadfully long.

When at last a doctor materialized, we were soon able to progress with the medical examination. But, using the stethoscope several times, the doctor said, "Huh, strange. You need to be hospitalized immediately."
With the overly quick decisiveness, there was a hazy feeling inside my head.
"Eh, what? How is it? How am I~??" I said, in spite of the awful stomach pain. It brought to mind a public CM on that topic, and was pretty much my very own reason. It was an emergency treatment with an IV done quickly, after which I was set into bed for a ride on the elevator, and then brought into a room which I thought perhaps was a private corner room.
There beside me, the doctor and manager were talking about something, but thanks to the pain I couldn't hear such things.
Because the pain would increase if I went to sleep facing upward, turning my body to the right I took a position of holding my knees. The IV had its effect drip by drip and eventually the pain was beaten back.
When I came to, I noticed there was nobody around me. The pain was considerably beaten back, but when in a moment I tried getting up, incidentally the room's door opened and my manager came in.
"Isshi-san, how are you? After this they want to do an examination so please change your clothes." While the manager spoke, he gave me what looked like very thin pyjamas. I accepted those with silence, and with the sluggishness of a cold winter morning, I slowly changed my clothes. The manager said, in a business-like manner, "Now please lie down as you are. A female nurse has been called to come." For some reason, he was flipping the pages of a schedule notebook.
"An examination? I came here some time ago and despite this, an examination already? What's up with that..." I said. While I spoke my thoughts I got into bed once again. This time,
"Isshi-san, may I please have the phone number at your parents' home?" he said suddenly.
I picked up on a hint that something more was going on.
"What? What's that? What kind of dreadful illness do I have? Maybe you know? Tell me!" I said, and the manager's eyes were swimming as he was seeing somewhere, taking on a dubious attitude,
"N-no, well... It's a year-end gift. I must simply send a year-end gift to them."
I listened to that foolish utterance, and had nothing at all to retort to it.

After a while of braving myself for the potential name of the disease, I came up with a solution but the clause that came to mind put me in a far too unnecessarily depressive mood. However, in any event, this abdominal pain I would have was already clear.
'What is there, in the lower right of my abdomen?'
Suddenly, I recalled a human anatomy model that was in my school's science lab. Too far into my memory, the image I brought back was that of death, and like the eye focus of a fish, my own eyes couldn't become settled. Considering that kind of thing, my unfortunate childhood came back again and I tugged on my sleeves, disconcerting myself with thinking about unreasonably fun things. It's a sad story but I wasn't too out of it...
While I let out a sigh in my negativity, a white-robed angel?--but no, coming into sight from somewhere was an older lady wearing a nurse cap. Doing as I was urged, I moved to a special room with her. We made our way between the machines, and the nurse drew some blood. By the time she put an end to it all by answering my various questions, I was exhausted and worn out. She took me back to my room in confusion, and while I was holding off the pain in my abdomen I crawled into bed in that place. This time the doctor appeared,
"Yes, yes. Please listen as you're lying down. Excuse me, the results came out."
"Hey, wasn't that fast!" It sank into my mind. "It... w-well what is it? Where do you think is bad?"
The doctor, stroking the rim of his glasses, looked down with a fleeting glance at my condition.
"Hmmm... This is a little hard to say... It seems you... have cancer."
Completely dumbfounded, it was not at all what I had expected the doctor's words to be.
Now I could only say, "How... can it be?"
In my reverie I thought it was a big cruel joke, and I tried gathering up the composure I should have had but didn't. "W-what shocking thing is this?" I said instictively, with a forced smile as I listened.
The doctor said, "Yes. I believe I can understand what you feel. However, what you should do from now is to tide over the half year so that the time you leave behind has no regrets whatsoever."
"I-it's too early! Hey!! It can't be!"
It sunk into me again, but here at the hospital this person was a doctor, and with his conclusion, that doctor would likely have nothing to gain even if he set me up.
"W-well... What, no... Where is it that I have cancer?" I timidly asked.
And the doctor said, "It's your liver. Even though you're still young, it seems absurd, doesn't it? Naturally after this it's hopeless. The progress is quick. It's unfortunate..."
"Is that so..."
Receiving it with shock, I couldn't grasp the importance of this at the outset, but after a moment I was aware of tears overflowing from my eyes. At that time I became swallowed up into a whirl of sorrow.

Even I somehow couldn't understand it, but the kind of action I took at first was to give a call to Izumi.
"Hello, Well you see, I'm at the hospital now but... I... well... in my liver... cancer..."
After a short period of silence from Izumi,
"Is that so... Well then, going drinking?"
What a thing to say. To those words I said, "What are you saying? I just told you I have liver cancer, and you're encouraging alcohol..."
And I was amazed after a little while, but,
"Ah, you see, I thought it was a joke..." he said thoughtfully.
"Understood. Well then... after this, wait for me to go out," was all I said.
Having only my medical certificate and my handbag, I headed for the tavern that Izumi pointed out.

I shook free of the manager who tried to stop me, and not remembering where I was walking to, I was already heading fast to where Izumi was, looking in a bad state. When he noticed me, he fluttered his hands with a smile. Taking off my coat, I walked briskly alongside Izumi, and saying nothing, I showed him the medical certificate.
Thereupon Izumi smiled brightly and said only one thing.
"It's okay."
Those words saddened and angered me.
"It's not okay! Now it's anything but okay!!" I complained, crying.
It seemed as though the world was ending for me, and I intended to show everything I was feeling. But Izumi said,
"I said it's okay that you're worrying you know, somehow, one way or another. Illness comes from the spirit you know," he finished, laughing, and took two sips of his beer, his face again turning to a smile.
Then I was interrupted by my memory.

Recovering consciousness, I woke up in my bed at home. My heart seemed it would explode at any time, in gushing waves.
The instant I opened my eyes and saw my ceiling, I understood everything.
"Wasn't it just a dream..."
Yes, I saw a dream. With this dream that was far too real, around my cheeks was a little damp.
"That's good.... it's really good... But what a year's first dream... I can tell it's going to be tough..."
While I murmured, tears fell on the bed, and I headed to my kitchen. My hand on the refridgerator's handle, I paused for a moment to think, but in spite of that... I opened it.


----

Damn you Isshi, for making me cry. >_>
The dramatic parts are so much more painful to read in the original Japanese, and then he has to go and end it like that... I'm a little mad at him but so, so thankful it wasn't real.